Senator Romeo Dallaire speaks out about his depression

MONTREAL — Retired lieutenant-general Romeo Dallaire says he fears his own suicidal impulses may one day take him over the edge.“You never know when a smell, a sudden noise, or a conversation will take you back. It’s not like having a memory. You are reliving the moment,” Dallaire told an international conference on suicide Friday.

Dallaire, who takes medications and receivies psychological and psychiatric help, is now a Liberal senator.He slid into depression and suicide following the 1994 Rwandan genocide of 800,000 people.As commander of the United Nations Force in Rwanda, Dallaire blamed himself for failing to stop the genocide.

Diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, Dallaire said he’s still haunted by brutal images.He recalls wandering through Rwanda’s danger zones “trying to get killed.”When he returned home, he almost slipped into a coma after taking a mixture of alcohol and anti-depressants.

He credited the intervention of others for saving him. Today, he takes seven pills including anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication, and gets regular treatment from a psychiatrist and a psychologist.“

But still...driving by the bridge, I don’t know when I’ll feel like putting (the car) over the edge,” he said.Dallaire has been speaking publically about post-traumatic stress since 1997. He says mental suffering should be considered on par with physical illness.“Like having a broken arm.

So I have to build myself a prosthesis,” said Dallaire, who received a standing ovation from the 400 delegates at the conference.


© CanWest News Service 2006

MICHAEL McCAFFERTY COMMENTS:

As one who has a mental illness -- manic-depression -- I have heartfelt empathy for Senator Dallaire. I admire his courage in fighting his demons. I know what depression can do to a person -- and I salute Senator Dallaire for having the courage to talk about his depression.